We comment on ourselves, all the time. We carry a little image of ourselves in our minds that we can, by turns, judge, criticize, and abuse, as well as aggrandize and embellish. Often while we’re doing something, we simultaneously see a little picture of ourselves doing it as well. It may be a pathetic little thing when it appears, or, at the other end of the spectrum, it may seem earthshakingly grandiose. In any case, our self-image is distracting and distorted – it is what we have made up about ourselves.
The mind grabs ahold of these images and starts torturing or praising us for what we did -- whether wrong, or superlatively right. We are likely to replay in our minds images of what we did. We may fuss and worry about how we did what we did. Even if we performed admirably, our worry about future behavior can taint any fleeting satisfaction. We may replay conversations in our mind, cringing at what we said, and kicking ourselves for what we did not say.
Psychologists refer to the human tendency to self-judge and criticize as rumination. Rumination is compelling. The mind gives us reasons for fretting for hours, pouring over all of our faults, or threats to our self-image. Rumination is very destructive. The more we worry about our faults, the worse they will appear.
To be mindful, try to avoid self-judging and self-praising. When you feel yourself starting to criticize or flatter your ego, tell yourself to come back to the moment. Fill your mind with the moment. Do something that takes your attention away from beating up on or inflating yourself.
Negative Self-Consciousness
To be self-conscious in a negative sense is to be uncomfortable, nervous, or embarrassed about how we think others see us. To be self-conscious about how others may see us is another form of judging or criticizing ourselves. Here, however, we do it through the eyes of others. Going through life in this way can be a constant torment.
Unless people tell us what they think of us, we cannot know how they see us. What we imagine are the thoughts of other people are just our own thoughts, projected onto them. We do not know what others think of us. The sensations we feel come mainly from our minds, not from other people. This is not to say we cannot intuit what others think about us. Obviously we can. However, what we get from intuition is mixed with our own fears, emotions, egoism and memories. We rely on intuition because we often must do so, but it is not the truth of how people think of us.
To be mindful is to shut off self-judgment and self-criticism, including the imaginary criticism (or praise) of others.
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